Give me strength

Why am I so intense? Why do I get so angry? In asking the hard questions, sometimes I think I know the answer, and other times just asking the questions helps me come to the conclusion. And more often than I'd like, I have to let the issue lie until some random occasion gives me the answer I was looking for...

Often I'll find something in the Bible that I don't understand, so I'll scribble a question in the margin and hope to come back to it. Or I'll go take a shower (hoping for a Eureka moment) or I go and do the dishes. I need some head-space, some thinking-space....

Sometimes I get angry because of unmet expectations. I expect to be respected. I expect to be appreciated. Seems reasonable don't you think? I get frustrated when I don't get time by myself, or when I'm not allowed to use my initiative. Or when you don't talk, or worse, you won't listen. Or when you hold a carrot out in front of me, and I don't even get to sniff it. Proverbs says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick..." and I know what that feels like.

Other times I get angry because of the injustice. I'm accused of lying just cos they don't like the truth. Or I'm put in a no-win situation then blamed for the less-than-ideal result. Or they hold out Brownie Points and then fail to deliver - and I'm still expected to keep my side of the bargain. "It's not fair!" when there are certain rules for you and different rules for me.

And yes, in some instances I could have legal redress, but not in others.... It's been said that stress is "the confusion caused when ones mind overrides the body’s natural desire to choke the (life) out of some (person) that so desperately needs it!" Yup, been there...

I know I get angry more easily when I'm tired and my defences are down. But here's the problem: Anger unchecked is destructive!

Emotionally it can lock you up with bitterness until you become irrational and un-relatable, which in turn can lead to physical illness (such as arthritis) and death. Externally it leads to criticism, hatred, violence, and to murder (or at least character assassination.) One day I'll have to explain those skid marks and that hole in the wall....

Paul teaches that we can be angry but we shouldn't sin. Huh? Jesus compared it to murder:

"But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgement..."

Note the proviso - without a cause. Got a cause? it's okay to be angry!

Paul went on to say that we shouldn't let the sun go down on our wrath. In a naughty moment, I wonder if that means I can get angry after sundown and keep it up until the following evening...

Even Jesus got angry at times - when he saw religious people who were more concerned about keeping the rules than they were about helping people. And he took (violent) action when he saw the rip-off artists working their markets in the place of worship - a righteous cause...

But he didn't get angry when they criticised him, betrayed him, plotted against him, attacked him, tortured him, falsely accused him in a mockery of a trial and  cruelly executed him. Some of his final words were "Father, forgive them..."

I think I hear the shower calling...