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Thursday, 31 October 2013

God I love temptation

God I love temptation....

It's like being at a lolly counter and the shopkeeper's been called away for just a minute. It's like the tantalising whiff of freshly-baked cookies. Better than the bash of endorphins after playing sport or a never-ending caffeine high. Like driving down a country road at 160km/h and wondering if you can slow down fast enough to get around the rapidly approaching corner. Or standing on the edge of a cliff knowing one rogue bluster of wind and it's all over. It's the thrill of being strapped into a rollercoaster looking down at the 50m drop ahead, and knowing you can't get off....

It's the one-off high and the freedom of a night on the town, leaving the cares of the world behind, just enjoying the moment. Like taking refuge in a fantasy where all is rosy and people actually like you. Where you can laugh at your fears and forget the reality of your own constant companion called Pain....

It's ignoring the mandatory hangover and repressing the regrets. It's forgetting the busted relationships and hoping that someday you might undo the harm, torturing yourself with unanswerable what-ifs. It's wishing you'd never been born and trying to cope with the self-inflicted war wounds. It's the inner torment, wondering if or when you'll get caught. It's the eternal hope that one day you might fill the emptiness and stem the loss, while hating yourself for crawling back to your chosen substitute, night after night after night....

God I hate temptation....

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