Dis or De

It's been a tough year.

There have been more than a few difficulties at work, at church and in the family - my three greatest loves.

At times I've gotten DISappointed, DIScouraged, even DISillusioned.

But that's not to say I've fallen into DEpression, DEspair or DEspondency.

Sometimes it's just a choice.

Sometimes I have to just hang on to His Word:

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."

 Actually, that's all the time.... It's pretty obvious that if God didn't have my back, I'd be stuffed.

Quips & Quotes

Bob Gass: When you become a Christian, you give up three basic rights: the right to choose what it will cost you; the right to choose how much it will change you; and the right to determine where he will take you.

In a Word

Mike Connell: Ingratitude is rooted in bitterness. We'd do better to look for the gold in the dirt.

Powerful choices - audio

In a Word

Mike Connell: The favour of God is found in the costly choices

The princess syndrome - notes and audio

Go on, I dare you...

What is it about this crazy, introverted, risk-averse society in which we live, that we've been sucked into the philosophy of protecting ourselves against any risk that "might" happen?

Where has the courage gone? Why are we so afraid? What's happened to all the fun? What are we turning into?

Our nation was founded on the actions of risk-takers, men and women who wouldn't say die. They made decisions, they ignored the doomsayers and they succeeded against all odds. And we're all so proud of Sir Edmund Hillary for conquering Mt Everest, unlike so many who'd previously died in the attempt.

The world would be a sadder place if we didn't have our heroes - those who accomplish, and those who put themselves into danger to save another person's life - and yet we discourage our kids from getting hurt... in the playground... Um, where else can kids learn bravery?

In their heart of hearts, people were designed for risk and thrill - why else would they frequent the theme parks and roller coasters and the high ropes in Taupo? How else can you explain a 47 year-old going down a flying fox upside down? (Oh yeah, there were girls present...)

And sure, OSH has its place, and work-places should be safe, but do we really need a company notice to use the hand-rail on the stairs? I know, they put it up because someone slipped and got hurt. But shouldn't they be just as concerned that, in reading the notice, we might become distracted and miss our footing? Maybe they should put up another company notice:

PLEASE READ ALL NOTICES BEFORE ATTEMPTING TO USE THE STAIRS!

Where's the case for personal responsibility? And in a wider sense, while we're so busy protecting ourselves from "potential" risk, aren't we also missing opportunities and "potential" benefits?

There will always be decisions to make, forks in the road. There will always be consequences. My advice to my kids as they chose their study options for university was pretty simple:

• study something you're going to love doing; and
• will make you money; and
• will facilitate your having kids; and
• you can use to advance a cause greater than your own

And yes, as a youth I also struggled with the concept of knowing the perfect or permissible Will of God, but hasn't He always given us a choice? (And that's a good thing because I'm far too strong-minded to be a robot...)

So here's a thought: Faith is a belief in a certain outcome, but so is fear. It's up to me which one I choose to meditate on, which road I choose to go down. And though I can't control the future, I can influence it...

And when I get a few years down the road and circumstances turn to custard, it's my choice whether or not I compare this road's custard to what "might" have happened had I chosen the other road. Frankly, I can't afford to live with blame and regret.

We must take risks! I have...

No, I'm not talking about the time I was out on my motorbike looking for a bump to jump, and came across a railway crossing, didn't really see the Stop sign, and landed on the main road out of town, with cars coming at me from both sides...

And nor am I promoting the type of risk when I leapt into the Manawatu River from just below the height of the road. (Given the pain it caused in some parts of my anatomy, I'm pleased to say I survived to father four kids.) It's interesting to note my older brother didn't try to stop me. Maybe he just figgered it was something I had to do...

There was a time when I gave up a job and worked as a volunteer for a year to help support and restore a church who were going through difficulties. I was young and exciting, and in theory it cost me a great deal. But the long-term benefits were endless.

In contrast, I later quit a job to pursue a get-rich-quick "opportunity" and I wasn't smart enough to ask for advice. Little surprise that after three months I had no job and little money. It was of course, very good for my prayer life.

On both occasions I held tight to this one line out of one of David's songs:

"The steps of a good man are directed by the Lord, and He takes great pleasure in watching over him... and no matter how far he might fall, the Lord will never knock him over and keep him down. No Sir, He'll hold him up, he'll help him up and he'll get him going again..."

In my experience, although it took time, that's exactly what happened!

Need another example? My wife and I both took a risk when we got married, though admittedly that was a "managed" risk, as we both agreed from the start that the d-word would never be in our vocabulary. Mate, was any risk ever so worth it!

So when making decisions and considering risk, of course we have to ask ourselves, "What will it cost me if I do?" But here's the bigger question: "What might it cost me if I don't?"

Voices in my head

I always laugh at movie characters like Kronk in Disney's "The Emperor's New Groove" where he's got an angel sitting on one shoulder and then Poof! there's a devil on the other - and somehow he's got to make the right decision or the fate of the whole movie is at stake!

It's not a new theme. Since time immemorial, people have been faced with a choice between good or evil, positive or negative, selfishness or selflessness... Maybe that's what makes the story of the three voices in the Garden of Eden so fascinating (... the serpent, the woman and God.) We've probably all grappled with the Choice of Voice i.e. which voice should we listen to...

There are other voices of course.

I can still hear my own voice from when I made my wedding vows nearly 26 years ago. Due to the wonders of not-so-modern technology, I played the cassette tape through a few times, and it's deeply embedded in my mind.

I can still hear the TV jingle, "Boy Oh Boy, a Lincoln Toy," though I really can't remember what they were advertising. Childhood was more than a few years ago, you understand...

I can hear the voices of colleagues and bosses, and family and in-laws, and teachers and friends. When you send me a text, or comment on Facebook, I can hear you as plain as day, though I have to admit I may not always hear your tone of voice correctly...

Sometimes I can still hear the words spoken years ago which were extremely critical or nasty, though the intensity has dulled with time, and with forgiveness... I remember a course facilitator once said we should "Let bygones be bygones," but it doesn't really have the same power... Only forgiveness can silence the offences.

Then there have been the times when I'm in a spot of bother, and I've heard a word or a phrase. It sounds like it's from the Bible, but I couldn't tell you the context, what book it's in or even who said it. Sometimes it's just a scripture reference - but in each case, I've recognised the Voice.

On one occasion, I was in contract negotiations with an employer (not my current employer), and the phrase, "Having done all, to stand," came into my mind. It was back in the days before the Internet, so I had to go to my Strong's Concordance to even find it. Surprise, surprise, the verse came just after a passage about employer-employee relationships.

And no, I'm not suggesting my employer was the devil, or that he represented any of the other characters in the passage. What I am saying is that I heard God say that I should stand my ground. So I did, and not only did my employer change the clause in my contract but also in all my colleagues'! I won my case and I won his respect.

However, let me add this wee proviso: Just because God speaks one thing one day, it doesn't mean you can make a rule of it - after all, different paints need different thinners...

On a later occasion, I was praying and reading the Bible, and it was as if  He drew through some of the words with a highlighter. I was having an issue with a manager (not my current manager), and I read Ecclesiastes 10:4 "If the spirit of the ruler rises against you, do not leave your post; For conciliation pacifies great offences."

The message was pretty clear: Don't quit when the boss is getting in your face, for giving him his respect due will cause you to find favour. Or, as I noted in the margin, giving due respect is like pouring oil on the troubled waters of past grievances or errors.

So I obeyed my manager's instruction, much to my own discomfort. After a couple of weeks, I then presented him with a record of the outcomes of his instruction, respectfully suggested a change, and he agreed. I won my case and I won his respect.

Over the years, I've heard the Voice of encouragement, direction, and at times, even correction. The words I love to hear the most are, "I love you... "I'm proud of you... "I forgive you... and "I accept you..."

Despite all the circumstances, those are the words that keep bringing me back.

I was wrong

Tucked away on a bookshelf above our family dinner table is an old blue book. Complete with water-stains, broken binding and dog-eared pages falling out, it's one of the most used books in my home. And whenever there's a conflict or point of discussion, it's nearly always my first point of reference - and not just for Scrabble or solving the crossword.

Maybe it's just a reflection of me that sometimes a family member will use a word, and one of the others will challenge them on its usage. Or there's a discussion on the correct pronunciation for a word. My response is always the same: When in doubt, "Quit the argument and check the dictionary!"

And just between you and me, I always hope it will prove me right, though sometimes of course the kids will win and I'll have learnt something new....

I use the same approach in other areas of life. When the gizmo stops working, what does the manual say? And sure, my favoured approach to the computer is to click on everything to see what happens, but I'm also trying to learn to save myself both time and stress by going to Help in the first instance.

When planning my compost, I consulted Google. When in another city, I'm a man, so I use a map (and yes, Techies, I'll probably get a GPS one day...) When knocking down walls in my house, I employed an engineer. And when I'm in doubt on a course of action or I'm in a relational difficulty, I check the Bible. It's not rocket science, it's a manual for life!

And, just like the road code, it's mostly unrestrictive: A set of rules to stop others hurting me or getting in my way, a few notes on the exceptions, and some warnings on the consequences - once I get that sorted I'm free to make my own choices and go wherever I want!

Freedom, within the rules, without being detrimental to others....

Within the rules....

I recently followed a friend's car through a series of roundabouts, and when we got to our destination, our conversation went something like this:

"Hey, you're not supposed to indicate right if you're going straight through a roundabout."
          "Why, that's what I've been told to do!"
"Well, you've been told wrong. You need to read the road code!"
           "Well, everyone else does it!"
End of Conversation!

So how could I argue with that? Easy - I checked the road code! and I was right.

But what was funny was that I also informed him he'd been following the Australian rule, because like him, "that's what I've been told." In writing this post, I checked my 'facts' and oops, that's not what the rulebook says ... I guess I just learnt something new...

More than just a stage

One of the most valuable lessons I've learnt as a Dad is that it's not my fault - and I don't have to fix it!

Kids go through stages, everyone knows that. We've had four - and with each one there's come a time when my wife and I have just looked at each other and reminded ourselves of their older sibling's behaviour at about the same age. Sure, some of the circumstances were different and the length of the stage has varied, but they all went through it - and they all came out the other side.

It's just a stage!

Some of the stuff kids go through is because they're learning to grow up or they're dealing with hormones. And sometimes it's just a part of life, in the same way adults have times and seasons. So the pressure's off, you don't have to fix them, but it is your job to help them through it.

I've learnt that a Dad's role is kinda like that of an athletics coach. You keep an eye on their mental and physical and even their spiritual condition. You check on their diet and training and technique, so they start strong and there's no looking back as they approach the finish line.

But you can't control the environment - and on the day of the big race, it's their choice whether or not they even get out of bed. They have to want the prize for themselves! With apologies to the bard, All the world's a stage, but it's up to me what I do with it...

In contrast, some of the worst advice I've been given was when I was proudly showing off my new baby, or even modestly extolling the attitude of an older child, and some doomsayer joy-killer says, "Mate, wait until they're (some age in the future)..."

My instant answer is still the same now as it was back then: "Yeah, I've heard they get better with age..." And as it turns out, I was right. Terrible twos? Bah, humbug! they're just testing their boundaries. Revolting teens? just adults in the making!

Going through a stage? Let me encourage you to hang in there and help them through it - if my kids are anything to go by, the prize will be worth the effort!

I breathe, I live

You may not like the way it looks, but you have to admit the body in which you live is the most amazing creation - and not just the externals... Every second, there are hundreds if not thousands of processes going on inside your skin, in absolute harmony with each other and your current environment.

The one that's caught my attention today is my breath. I inhale, my lungs separate the oxygen from everything else and I exhale. The oxygen, which if delivered straight to my veins would kill me, somehow gets mashed up into little pieces and is driven around my body at an incredible speed, bringing life to every cell, and colour to my cheeks... My soul is revived.

But if I don't breathe, I die. It's not surprising then, that one of the Biblical pictures for God is "spirit", or "breath". Closer than the air I breathe. In the beginning, He spoke - and it became. He breathed - and Man came alive.

[ And no, I'm not going to get into an argument about whether Genesis is literal or figurative. Suffice to say I don't have the faith to not believe in a creator. And it's a good thing the Bible-writers used pictures to describe God, otherwise I'd have some difficulty in comprehending Him - and if he were easy to define, wouldn't he be rather too small to even be God? ]

The writer also records the Creator chose to make me just like Him, and like him, I can choose what to do with my breath. I can cheer myself up when I whistle or I can blow out birthday candles. I can speak, or not. And just like God, the words I speak have power; I can bring life or death to those around me...

Life or death, you ask? Have you ever been 'cut' by the words of another? I can still 'feel' the words when someone once told me they were ashamed of me... And the childhood chant of "Sticks and stones will break my bones, but names will never hurt me," is just nonsense.

I breathe in, and the air I breathe gives me life. I breathe out, and it's up to me whether I build up or tear down. I can assist you into the depths of despair or I can give you hope and a vision. My words can encourage or discourage. I can destroy or I can create!

We know that when a man stops breathing, he stops speaking, he can't hear you and he dies. But were you to get there soon enough, and breathe into his dead body, even your reject gases would be sufficient to bring him back to life again!

How much more then could the breath of God flow through you and make you alive, even when you feel like the living dead....

My soul needs to be revived, I need to hear His voice. I need to feel his Spirit, so I think about Him and I choose to take another deep breath! And if you were to ask Him, I just know he'd breathe into you....J

An eternal conundrum

I like work! On top of putting in a good 40+ hours for the boss, I run my own business, I'm involved in various areas of the church, and just for fun, I've started writing this blog. Getting bored is never an option.

If you can picture me as a juggler, throw in another ball each for my wife, my family, chores, home maintenance, carting kids and the school board. I don't watch a lot of TV (though I do play on the computer), and if I'm to have time with friends, I have to book them in.
         
That's not to say I'm a workaholic. Neither am I unhappy or having a moan, and yes, there are areas where I've dropped the ball once or twice. But generally speaking, I simply enjoy what I'm doing in the time I've been given.

For each one of us, life is a question of priorities and choices - and attitude...

The biblical story of Martha and Mary is often quoted to suggest that doing work is a lesser choice than spending time with Jesus. And well it may be, but hey, he had to eat some time. And don't forget that it was Martha who invited him into her home in the first place! The issue, as I see it, is that she took her eyes off the purpose, her work became a chore and she complained.

It's less often mentioned that there was a second, subsequent time where John records that "Martha served." No mention of complaining, no mention of reproof. Why not? Because the work she performed made it possible for Jesus to minister, and for others to receive from him. I'm absolutely confident that Martha would have gotten some special time with her good friend, just later in the day!

The question then, in the midst of all my busy-ness is, "What is my motivation?" Do I live to work or do I work to live?

Are all my efforts in order to please Him, or to make Me happy? Do I work to fulfil His purpose or my own agenda? Is it about Me and what I can do by myself, or is it about Him and what He can do through me?

Paul told the Ephesians they were created in Christ Jesus for the purpose of doing good works! And there is an eternal reward, but in my multiple activities, am I drawn closer to Him, or do I find myself - or those closest to me - resenting the cost?

I have to be honest: Is my life about the work of the Lord, or is it about the Lord of the work?

[ Footnote: A conundrum is:

           1. a riddle, esp one whose answer makes a play on words

           2. a puzzling question or problem ]