Quips & Quotes

Mr Speaker: When we throw mud, we lose ground.

Quips & Quotes

Benjamin Franklin: Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most fools do.

A cuddle and a kiss

They say there are five main love languages - touch, words of encouragement, gifts and quality time. The crazy thing is, when I come to talk about them, I always forget at least one of the five. Oh yeah, this time it's acts of service (thank God for Google).   J

What I've also learned is that the language in which you express your love is very often the way you most easily receive it. So if you're an encouraging person, the chances are you need to be encouraged, and words of criticism cut pretty deep. Or if you love to give gifts, you could be disappointed to find hankies in the Christmas stocking.

Maybe that helps to explain some of the conflicts we see in relationships - we're just different - even though it seems at times we're hard-wired to expect sameness, that others should be like us. "I just don't understand him/her..."

So while I don't always enjoy personality tests, and I HATE (bold, italic AND underlined) being stuck in a box of someone else's making, it's also kinda fun to watch those around me to see if I can figure which of the five is their strongest.

Not just as an intellectual exercise, but so I can best love them, in a way that's easy for them to receive. Because I love them.

I've always appreciated my kids' desire to give me something special for my birthday or Father's Day, their mother has brought them up well! The good news is, that even for such a complicated guy, all I want for Christmas is pretty simple.

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PS: And a very Merry Christmas to you and yours, may it be full of blessing and joy J

Poppies, prayer and politicians

What is it in the human condition that drives us to criticise, even revile, anyone who holds a different opinion from our own?

Why is it we feel so self-righteous in condemning "evil" people, yet neglect to consider our own fallen nature? We score ourselves on our intentions yet we judge others on their results... and what's worse, we presume to know their heart and condemn them on their (apparent) motivation...

And if I disagree with you, how does that make me a hater and a bigot? If the same logic is applied, you must be a hater and a bigot because you disagree with me... Why should I keep my opinions to myself?

It's a well-known "fact" that Kiwis suffer from tall-poppy syndrome, but isn't that just a simplistic disguise for what is really the tip of an ugly iceberg of criticism, discrimination and hatred? And anarchy?

How is it that the man on the street can hate the politicians they've never met, and pull them down at every opportunity, yet expect them to front up and take responsibility for their (larger) share of the blame for all of society's ills?

And since when was it okay for media to photograph our political leaders, and publish only their goofy mid-speech expressions, holding them up to ridicule? Would we find it just as funny if a wedding photographer had done the same? Why are the rules different? Like them or not, MPs are the leaders of our country and deserve better.
 
What do bloggers hope to achieve in publishing a picture of a dog urinating on a street-level billboard featuring a Photoshopped John Key? How would you feel if they did it to a loved one? Where do we draw the line? Imagine the outcry if Mr Key had done the same thing to one of his constituents! Maybe there's a reason he bears the honorific, The Right Honourable. 

And no, I'm not going to link to the offending items because I find them offensive!

Paul says we should pray for and give thanks for "all men, for kings and all who are in authority" so that we may lead a quiet and peaceable life. If we don't follow his instruction, one could assume the opposite might occur... And I note he's not only talking about all men, but specifically employers and managers, the Police and judges, teachers and parents - and also politicians...

Mr Speaker prays a similar prayer when he opens Parliament each day:

"Almighty God, humbly acknowledging our need for Your guidance in all things, and laying aside all private and personal interests, we beseech You to grant that we may conduct the affairs of this House and of our country to the glory of Your holy name, the maintenance of true religion and justice, the honour of the Queen, and the public welfare, peace and tranquility of New Zealand, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen."

Imagine what New Zealand might look like if, despite our at-times childish and point-scoring behaviour, God took us and our MPs at their word and answered in the affirmative...

Give me strength

Why am I so intense? Why do I get so angry? In asking the hard questions, sometimes I think I know the answer, and other times just asking the questions helps me come to the conclusion. And more often than I'd like, I have to let the issue lie until some random occasion gives me the answer I was looking for...

Often I'll find something in the Bible that I don't understand, so I'll scribble a question in the margin and hope to come back to it. Or I'll go take a shower (hoping for a Eureka moment) or I go and do the dishes. I need some head-space, some thinking-space....

Sometimes I get angry because of unmet expectations. I expect to be respected. I expect to be appreciated. Seems reasonable don't you think? I get frustrated when I don't get time by myself, or when I'm not allowed to use my initiative. Or when you don't talk, or worse, you won't listen. Or when you hold a carrot out in front of me, and I don't even get to sniff it. Proverbs says, "Hope deferred makes the heart sick..." and I know what that feels like.

Other times I get angry because of the injustice. I'm accused of lying just cos they don't like the truth. Or I'm put in a no-win situation then blamed for the less-than-ideal result. Or they hold out Brownie Points and then fail to deliver - and I'm still expected to keep my side of the bargain. "It's not fair!" when there are certain rules for you and different rules for me.

And yes, in some instances I could have legal redress, but not in others.... It's been said that stress is "the confusion caused when ones mind overrides the body’s natural desire to choke the (life) out of some (person) that so desperately needs it!" Yup, been there...

I know I get angry more easily when I'm tired and my defences are down. But here's the problem: Anger unchecked is destructive!

Emotionally it can lock you up with bitterness until you become irrational and un-relatable, which in turn can lead to physical illness (such as arthritis) and death. Externally it leads to criticism, hatred, violence, and to murder (or at least character assassination.) One day I'll have to explain those skid marks and that hole in the wall....

Paul teaches that we can be angry but we shouldn't sin. Huh? Jesus compared it to murder:

"But I say to you that whoever is angry with his brother without a cause shall be in danger of the judgement..."

Note the proviso - without a cause. Got a cause? it's okay to be angry!

Paul went on to say that we shouldn't let the sun go down on our wrath. In a naughty moment, I wonder if that means I can get angry after sundown and keep it up until the following evening...

Even Jesus got angry at times - when he saw religious people who were more concerned about keeping the rules than they were about helping people. And he took (violent) action when he saw the rip-off artists working their markets in the place of worship - a righteous cause...

But he didn't get angry when they criticised him, betrayed him, plotted against him, attacked him, tortured him, falsely accused him in a mockery of a trial and  cruelly executed him. Some of his final words were "Father, forgive them..."

I think I hear the shower calling...

Guilty as charged, Your Honour

What is it about people that we so easily kick a man when he's down, when we don't even know him? Why do we so love a public hanging? Why is it not hard to be so critical?

"Not me!" I hear you say... Oh yeah?

What about the time you passed judgement on that colleague who wasn't performing up-to-scratch, or at least, not up-to-your-scratch? Or the time you agreed with all those comments on talkback? Or you just happened across that "I hate..." Facebook page, after hearing about it at morning tea? How many times have we given our opinion on the motives of TV presenters, politicians or the police?

If you've been following the Scott Guy murder trial, what's your opinion on Ewen Macdonald - was he guilty, or have the cops nabbed the wrong man? The High Court jury saw fit to acquit him, yet the blogosphere is rife with opinions they got it wrong.

As a society, what do we really think about the concept of innocent until proven guilty, beyond reasonable doubt? Why do we act as if the court of public opinion is so much smarter than a random bunch of our peers who sat through hundreds of hours of evidence, when all we saw were a few excerpts on the news, and some stories in the paper?

Why are we so ready to judge our fellow man - not just in the courts, but at work, at the local kindy, at the supermarket, or from the sidelines of our chosen sport? Do we really think we know what's going on in another person's mind? Who do we think we are - God?

Maybe it's because we've forgotten the instruction of the Master, to treat others in the manner in which we want to be treated. We call it the Golden Rule, but we joke that we should "do unto others before they do it to us."

Maybe it's because we have such a low opinion of ourselves, it helps to knock another from their perch - rightly or wrongly!

Maybe it's because it's easier to parrot self-acclaimed experts than to take the time to get to the bottom of a matter.

Maybe it's because we've been so hurt that it's easier to lash out at an unknown than it is to deal with our own debilitating pain.

Or maybe it's just because when we focus on another person's error, we can ignore our own lacks and mistakes.

Just maybe that's why Jesus taught us to first forgive others that we might also be forgiven.... Can we really afford to be "holier than thou"?

Just maybe it would help if on a daily basis we reminded ourselves, "There, but for the grace of God, go I ..."