An eternal conundrum

I like work! On top of putting in a good 40+ hours for the boss, I run my own business, I'm involved in various areas of the church, and just for fun, I've started writing this blog. Getting bored is never an option.

If you can picture me as a juggler, throw in another ball each for my wife, my family, chores, home maintenance, carting kids and the school board. I don't watch a lot of TV (though I do play on the computer), and if I'm to have time with friends, I have to book them in.
         
That's not to say I'm a workaholic. Neither am I unhappy or having a moan, and yes, there are areas where I've dropped the ball once or twice. But generally speaking, I simply enjoy what I'm doing in the time I've been given.

For each one of us, life is a question of priorities and choices - and attitude...

The biblical story of Martha and Mary is often quoted to suggest that doing work is a lesser choice than spending time with Jesus. And well it may be, but hey, he had to eat some time. And don't forget that it was Martha who invited him into her home in the first place! The issue, as I see it, is that she took her eyes off the purpose, her work became a chore and she complained.

It's less often mentioned that there was a second, subsequent time where John records that "Martha served." No mention of complaining, no mention of reproof. Why not? Because the work she performed made it possible for Jesus to minister, and for others to receive from him. I'm absolutely confident that Martha would have gotten some special time with her good friend, just later in the day!

The question then, in the midst of all my busy-ness is, "What is my motivation?" Do I live to work or do I work to live?

Are all my efforts in order to please Him, or to make Me happy? Do I work to fulfil His purpose or my own agenda? Is it about Me and what I can do by myself, or is it about Him and what He can do through me?

Paul told the Ephesians they were created in Christ Jesus for the purpose of doing good works! And there is an eternal reward, but in my multiple activities, am I drawn closer to Him, or do I find myself - or those closest to me - resenting the cost?

I have to be honest: Is my life about the work of the Lord, or is it about the Lord of the work?

[ Footnote: A conundrum is:

           1. a riddle, esp one whose answer makes a play on words

           2. a puzzling question or problem ]

A fine line

She'd always admired his confidence and his ability to speak in public. He was articulate and spoke his mind. But just 10 years later, she can't stand his arrogance, how he'll never admit it when he's wrong!

He'd always appreciated Her, and so did his mates, how she always dressed to show off her incredible figure. Now he can't understand how long it takes to buy a new dress, and he's lost count of how many times he's missed the start of a game...

There is no doubt that time and familiarity have a way of changing our perspective, not only within personal relationships, but in workplaces too. We notice the failings, and on a bad day will even look for them.

But if I first look at myself, I realise that my strength (which I see) is also my weakness - and my weakness (which they see) is also my strength.

I'm not a perfectionist, I like excellence. I'm not resisting change, I'm playing Devil's Advocate. I don't mean to be in your face, I'm just intense!

It's a question of perspective and attitude, and at times, context. I need to understand and value you, in the same way I want to be valued and understood. If I see a weakness, I need to look for the strength.

Try it:

Weakness Time-waster Pedantic It's all about me Gets walked on Internalises pain, blames self Flippant, tactless Egotistical Introverted Neglects family Claustrophobic Money-focused Compulsive buyer Dominates Rigid, immovable Lazy Easily ripped off Madness

Strength Creative Attention to details Confident speaker Wants to please people Sensitive to others Spontaneous Self-aware Deep thinker Hard worker Affectionate Never in debt Bargain-hunter Leader Organised Easy going, relaxed Compassionate Genius

And here's a thought: If you're a parent, a manager, or in a position of responsibility, it's okay to evaluate. But if you're a sibling, colleague, or life-partner, it's not okay to judge, or limit people into a box.

In short, we need to celebrate our differences. We need to tolerate our excesses. The world would be a boring or a terrible place if all of "you" were exactly like "me" - and all those who know me just nod their head J

And sure, there needs to be a balance, that's why we need other people, but doesn't even the bell curve needs it's upper and lower percentiles?

Isn't medium too often just another word for mediocre?

Four words

In my workplace, I've often heard people say "Christians should do this", or "Christians shouldn't do that", or "That's not very Christian!" and I smile to myself, and wonder what makes them such experts.

Or sometimes they'll swear in my hearing, then apologise. Why, what did they expect - disapproval? judgement? Like, whatever... I'm a person, just like them!

I'm also a Christian - a follower of Christ.

The difficulty is, there seems to be no clear definition for what it means to be a modern-day Christian. It doesn't help that some people who call themselves Christians are often found at the opposite end of the "issues" continuum.

I've met some Christians who are quite incredible in the way they help out other people, with charity, advice or just by being a friend. But then there are the high profile Christians who fail badly and publicly. Others are in your face, telling you what you should do, and you just know they can't keep to the same standard.

The reality is, you can't put me in a box!

So here's a thought. Most people know about the 10 commandments, but they wrongly assume they're just a bunch of rules that no-one can keep, and if you break them, you're in big trouble. What they forget, or may not know, is that all those laws can be summed up in just
four simple words:
               "Love God, Love People!"

 Jesus once said it like this (my paraphrase):

"Hey, fellas, it's a new day, and there's a new way. I've taught you, and I've loved you, but I'm not gonna be around that much longer, so you have gotta start loving each other, just like I've been showing you all this time! And when people see that, they're gonna know, without a doubt, that you're one of My followers!" 

So here are the questions I have to ask myself:

• Do I love God?   What does it look like?
• Do I love people?   How would they know?
• What is my motivation?   The same as His?
• Am I a follower?   How do I look like Him?

And to answer the question about all those other "types" of Christian, perhaps this story will help:
"I'm off to work," I announced to my wife the other morning. Then five minutes later, as I shut down my computer, stuffed my pockets and loaded my bags, she says, "I thought you said you were going to work...." To which I replied, "I am - it's a process, not an event!"

And yes, I got there in the end!

If

If God had a blog, would he check the stats?

Just cos!

Some days I have words bursting out my ears, boiling up inside me, "Let me out! Let me out!" I see pictures, or read comments - or I listen to myself speak and I think about my motives. I've got things I want to say, questions I want to ask, opinions I want to debate, thoughts I need to consider...

Yet I haven't finished a blog post for two weeks. I've got some scraps of paper - filed - but I've had to discipline myself to get other priorities done first - aaaargh!!

One morning I woke up with an inspiration and wrote a few hundred words, but I have to check my facts before I publish. Some days I find myself blobbing out in front of the computer, avoiding my 'must-dos' and wanting to play with words, yet knowing I can't allow myself the indulgence until I've satisfied my clients.

I pretend I'm working, but really I'm reading news items, blog posts, opinion pieces, looking at my stats... I'm thinking about how I can promote my blog, reach more people, and whether I should set up Follow by Email, or Subscribe, (the systems for which I'm still trying to figure out.)

I'm torn between wanting to reach more readers and wanting to know how many there are, and where they're from. Maybe that's because of my background - every newspaper wants to know its readership, every orator needs an audience...

I'm trying to decide what's really important. Where's the bottom line? Why do I do what I want to do? Why do I want to do it?

And the simple answer is, "Just cos!" There's a world wide web out there, and I want to make a difference. I want to pass on what I've learnt. I want to leave my mark.

I want to take part in the great discussion...

I wanna write cos I wanna write!

Mother's Day memories

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I'll be calling my Mum. And my kids will be honouring theirs. Mums are extraordinary people, and it's a wonderful tradition that we put aside a special day to celebrate them.

"To my Mum: For all the years of care, concern and sacrifice, I appreciate, love and honour you. Happy Mother's Day!"

Mums and Dads need to be celebrated. The longer I'm a parent, the more I appreciate what mine did for me. But in our home, tomorrow will be a day of mixed emotions. It's our first Mother's Day without my Mum-in-law who died last year. For nearly 25 years she was my Mum and invested so much time and love into our family. I miss her.

This week also marks the third anniversary of what has become known in Hawke's Bay history as The Napier Siege, which started the Thursday before Mother's Day in 2009. It was an event which will be forever etched in the memories of literally hundreds of people directly affected.

As a press photographer, I saw several different perspectives to the drama, and as I took a day off to celebrate Mother's Day with my Mum-in-law, my wife and my family, I felt compelled to write the following opinion piece. It was published in Hawke's Bay Today as an editorial, and in many respects, it still sums up my feelings about Mums. They are awesome!

EDITORIAL:
Difficult time for mothers to celebrate
Monday, May 11, 2009

Much of New Zealand would have celebrated Mother's Day yesterday with the traditional breakfast-in-bed, and gifts of chocolates and flowers.

Mums are special, they are loved, and it would be hard to imagine life without them.

In Napier however, Mother's Day came at the end of a three-day siege, which started with the shooting of Senior Constable Len Snee - and ended with the death of gunman Jan Molenaar.

Two mothers lost a loved one - Mr Snee's wife Vicki is left without a husband and father for their two sons, and Anna Molenaar lost her second son in six years, the first to suicide.

Hundreds of other mums were also affected by the siege on Hospital Hill.

Mothers of the critically-injured police officers and civilian waited anxiously to see whether their boys would pull through.

On Thursday, Napier schools were inundated by calls from anxious mums, checking that their kids were okay. Some had to wait for hours before their little ones were released into their care.

Other mums had sons and daughters trapped inside the cordon, their only contact by phone.

There were the neighbours who, for no fault of their own, were locked down for more than two days, in some cases not even being able to move around inside their home. Anyone who's tried to entertain kids during the holidays will identify with that scenario.

There were the evacuated mums who went into overdrive, creating temporary homes with family, friends or in motels, struggling to bring a level of normality into the lives of those they love.

And there were the mums of the police and Armed Offenders Squad staff who went in on our behalf. Many would have called home to say they were okay, or that they were about to go in, not really knowing what the outcome would be. They too could have been added to the list of casualties.

In Napier this week, mums waited, mums prayed, mums supported, mums hoped.

Mothers have a remarkable capacity to see the best, to believe the best and to hope for the best for their kids, whatever their age.

For at least two mums last week, those hopes and aspirations were extinguished.

Our thoughts and best wishes go out to Vicki, the wife of slain policeman Len Snee, and Anna, the mum of gunman Jan Molenaar.

To all other mums: Much of your work goes unappreciated, and too often, is not even noticed.

Remember, we appreciate and value you.

Ruts in the road

My Dad used to say that you should drive as if every other driver on the road is an idiot!

Defensive driving at its best, and his advice was never more applicable than now. After more than 30 years of driving, this not-so-old dog has had to learn some new tricks, because 'they'  have gone and changed the rules.

I really have to concentrate - and keep an eye on the "idiot" facing me a wee while longer, to make sure they too are up with the play.

Don't get me wrong, I like the new rules, and on this occasion, the law is not an ass. But no longer can I drive on auto-pilot! No longer can I afford to rely on yesterday's knowledge.

You don't have to look too hard to see a parallel in other arenas of life, where so often we view today's experiences through the lens of yesterday's disappointments or even successes.

New circumstances, new people, new environment - yet so often we react rather than respond, based on past hurts or prejudices. Unconsciously we expect the future to be the same as the past.

How can we help ourselves? The same way I learnt the new road rules:

By reading the new rules, and watching out for others. By allowing ourselves to start with a new slate. By letting go the old rules, and looking for and embracing the new. By visualising the future, and moving towards a new destination, one step at a time. By knowing what to expect, and being ready to make choices. By asking others for their help. By recognising that the other "drivers" also need time to realise there's been a change!

It'll take time, and determination, and maybe a few fails along the way, but in the end, the hope of having fewer major crashes will make it worth the effort.

In short, my thinking has to change!
I need to make a decision and act on it!
I need to download an update!
I need to correct the bias!

I need to get out of the rut - and maybe you do too...

Take the Test :-)