Mother's Day memories

Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I'll be calling my Mum. And my kids will be honouring theirs. Mums are extraordinary people, and it's a wonderful tradition that we put aside a special day to celebrate them.

"To my Mum: For all the years of care, concern and sacrifice, I appreciate, love and honour you. Happy Mother's Day!"

Mums and Dads need to be celebrated. The longer I'm a parent, the more I appreciate what mine did for me. But in our home, tomorrow will be a day of mixed emotions. It's our first Mother's Day without my Mum-in-law who died last year. For nearly 25 years she was my Mum and invested so much time and love into our family. I miss her.

This week also marks the third anniversary of what has become known in Hawke's Bay history as The Napier Siege, which started the Thursday before Mother's Day in 2009. It was an event which will be forever etched in the memories of literally hundreds of people directly affected.

As a press photographer, I saw several different perspectives to the drama, and as I took a day off to celebrate Mother's Day with my Mum-in-law, my wife and my family, I felt compelled to write the following opinion piece. It was published in Hawke's Bay Today as an editorial, and in many respects, it still sums up my feelings about Mums. They are awesome!

EDITORIAL:
Difficult time for mothers to celebrate
Monday, May 11, 2009

Much of New Zealand would have celebrated Mother's Day yesterday with the traditional breakfast-in-bed, and gifts of chocolates and flowers.

Mums are special, they are loved, and it would be hard to imagine life without them.

In Napier however, Mother's Day came at the end of a three-day siege, which started with the shooting of Senior Constable Len Snee - and ended with the death of gunman Jan Molenaar.

Two mothers lost a loved one - Mr Snee's wife Vicki is left without a husband and father for their two sons, and Anna Molenaar lost her second son in six years, the first to suicide.

Hundreds of other mums were also affected by the siege on Hospital Hill.

Mothers of the critically-injured police officers and civilian waited anxiously to see whether their boys would pull through.

On Thursday, Napier schools were inundated by calls from anxious mums, checking that their kids were okay. Some had to wait for hours before their little ones were released into their care.

Other mums had sons and daughters trapped inside the cordon, their only contact by phone.

There were the neighbours who, for no fault of their own, were locked down for more than two days, in some cases not even being able to move around inside their home. Anyone who's tried to entertain kids during the holidays will identify with that scenario.

There were the evacuated mums who went into overdrive, creating temporary homes with family, friends or in motels, struggling to bring a level of normality into the lives of those they love.

And there were the mums of the police and Armed Offenders Squad staff who went in on our behalf. Many would have called home to say they were okay, or that they were about to go in, not really knowing what the outcome would be. They too could have been added to the list of casualties.

In Napier this week, mums waited, mums prayed, mums supported, mums hoped.

Mothers have a remarkable capacity to see the best, to believe the best and to hope for the best for their kids, whatever their age.

For at least two mums last week, those hopes and aspirations were extinguished.

Our thoughts and best wishes go out to Vicki, the wife of slain policeman Len Snee, and Anna, the mum of gunman Jan Molenaar.

To all other mums: Much of your work goes unappreciated, and too often, is not even noticed.

Remember, we appreciate and value you.

Ruts in the road

My Dad used to say that you should drive as if every other driver on the road is an idiot!

Defensive driving at its best, and his advice was never more applicable than now. After more than 30 years of driving, this not-so-old dog has had to learn some new tricks, because 'they'  have gone and changed the rules.

I really have to concentrate - and keep an eye on the "idiot" facing me a wee while longer, to make sure they too are up with the play.

Don't get me wrong, I like the new rules, and on this occasion, the law is not an ass. But no longer can I drive on auto-pilot! No longer can I afford to rely on yesterday's knowledge.

You don't have to look too hard to see a parallel in other arenas of life, where so often we view today's experiences through the lens of yesterday's disappointments or even successes.

New circumstances, new people, new environment - yet so often we react rather than respond, based on past hurts or prejudices. Unconsciously we expect the future to be the same as the past.

How can we help ourselves? The same way I learnt the new road rules:

By reading the new rules, and watching out for others. By allowing ourselves to start with a new slate. By letting go the old rules, and looking for and embracing the new. By visualising the future, and moving towards a new destination, one step at a time. By knowing what to expect, and being ready to make choices. By asking others for their help. By recognising that the other "drivers" also need time to realise there's been a change!

It'll take time, and determination, and maybe a few fails along the way, but in the end, the hope of having fewer major crashes will make it worth the effort.

In short, my thinking has to change!
I need to make a decision and act on it!
I need to download an update!
I need to correct the bias!

I need to get out of the rut - and maybe you do too...

Take the Test :-)

Why?

I've heard it said that there are three levels of conversation. We can talk about people, about things and events, or we can talk about ideas.

You can see it on the magazine stands. There are the women's mags for lovers of gossip, car mags for petrol-heads, and the likes of North and South who claim to be the "Magazine for Thinking New Zealand."

There is obviously a place for all three, but I enjoy talking about ideas. I like asking questions!

Where? when? which? who? where? how? and what? are the easy ones to answer. They deal with facts, on the first and second level.

But, like a kid tugging at his father's sleeve, the most interesting question for me, is Why?

• Why do I react that way?
• Why do you believe that?
• Why were you there?
• Why did they do that?  say that?  think that?

When training as a budget adviser and as a counsellor, I was taught not to ask Why? because it was too confrontational. But how can you explain a person's actions until you understand their motives? How can you make sense of their beliefs until you recognize their culture? How can you help them change their future unless you first help them to acknowledge their past? What was going on inside their head? inside their heart?

If truth be told, when I go about my daily work, I do use the softer "Wh" questions. I re-phrase the "Why" question so as not to appear hostile. But what I really want to know, is WHY!

I've also heard it said that the questions you ask reveal who you are as the questioner. I'm going to need to think about that one!

A message in the hourglass

"If it were not for the last minute, nothing would get done." So says my good friend, the oft-quoted Anon.

Thinking along the same lines, Mark Twain once said, "If you have to eat a frog, don’t look at it for too long.”

I know what they meant. I hate cleaning toilets and showers, and would happily sit at the computer, actively ignoring the niggle in the forefront of my conscience that I SHOULD be doing my chores.

Happy, that is, until I am challenged: Just what have I been doing all afternoon...?

Jesus once described a man like me. It was in the middle of a discourse concerning the Kingdom of Heaven.

"Not everyone who says to Me, 'Lord, Lord,' shall enter the kingdom of heaven, but he who does the will of My Father in heaven."

He continues.... (my paraphrase)

If you hear my sayings and do them, you are like a wise man who built his house on a rock, and when there was a massive storm, the house got through it okay. Kingdom of Heaven? Rock On!

But, if you hear my sayings and don't do them, you are like a foolish man who built his house on the sand, and when there was a massive storm, the house crashed down around his ears! Kingdom of Heaven? Forget It!

The question I have to answer is, which of "my sayings" - of which there were many recorded - would He specifically want me to hear and do? What is the "will of My Father" for me?

And, how many more (last) minutes will I get until the sand runs out?

Perhaps I should start listening to my conscience....

Opinionated? Not me!

I used to think I was opinionated. Then in preparing this post, I checked its meaning:

Holding stubbornly and often unreasonably to ones own opinions

Doesn't sound like me at all....

However if, like me, you enjoy sharing your opinion and doing quick surveys, this is a fun and useful New Zealand-based site: Buzz The People

I enjoy it, it doesn't take a lot of my time, AND a charity benefits!

Here's what they say:

What is Buzz The People?

     Our buzzthepeople is a group of New Zealanders who simply tell us what they think by doing the occasional survey.
     In doing so our members go into draws to win prizes, donate their points to charity, raise money for their schools or sports clubs, or redeem their reward points for vouchers.
     We also regularly conduct our Buzz Live studies which are about highly topical events where you get the chance to have your say.

You can sign up here :-)

Where to find a good blog, these days...

Being a relative newbie to blogging, I initially found it difficult to find New Zealand blogs on subjects that interest me. In a rare instance, Google let me down.

So, to save you the effort, here are two links that I found really useful, with loads of links:
          Kiwiblog's blogroll
          Open Parachute's siteranking

The following links are for some of the more well-known blogs. They can be a bit incestuous, in that they often comment on each other, or post links to each other, or slag each other off, but they generally make for a good read.

          Whale Oil Beef Hooked
Currently New Zealand's number one blogger, serving up a potpourri of right-wing politics, union-bashing, quirky videos and anything that supports his views on same-sex marriage. He doesn't pull too many punches.

Some of these sites also have a blogroll - maybe I should have Googled that, might try it next...

          The Standard - and their blogroll
          Dim-Post
          Cactus Kate
          Red Alert
          No Minister

A wee warning to those who haven't browsed the comments sections before: Some of the commenters are pretty nasty, not really what I was used to after having followed political comment and readers' responses in the NZ Herald for the last few years.

I found this blog really interesting, so it's too bad he's stopped updating:
          This guy should have been a sub-editor

Enjoy :-)

Just two online comments

It's been an interesting week in my online adventure. I've started leaving the occasional comment on WhaleOil's blog and, on a "religious" issue, got a rather septic response:

I suspect from his first comment that The Baron expected a different response. I kinda twisted his tail by referring to a "rational conversation", a description by the way, which I wouldn't apply to a lot of the comments on the blog. Nonetheless, it was an interesting dialogue which was more amusing than distressing.

Recently however, there was a personal comment about me on Hawke's Bay Today's site:

My initial response? Outrage! Injustice! I know, I know, I should get a thicker skin, but it's so wrong, it's not even funny: the spite in the final comment, getting their facts wrong - the offence they accuse me of, I don't write stories - and hiding behind a pseudonym, a practice for which I am having less and less respect!

The Bigger Picture:

A lot of the blogs and comments I've seen online are downright nasty.

• When do they become libelous?
• What recourse should you take?
• Is it worth it? Look at the current spat between MP Judith Collins against Trevor Mallard and Andrew Little.
• How much should blogs and comments be moderated?
• Is it feasible, given that some blogs attract hundreds of comments on any given day?
• Why do people have so much angst?

And, what else are people you meet every day thinking but not saying, except behind the anonymity of the internet?